Do I feel pain or am I just crazy
Or are my doctors just very lazy
They say I am fine
Or do they just not have time
I feel sick, I feel discomfort, I feel ill
They say just take a pill
But the pain doesn’t go away
therefore I pray for a better day
(((Don’t let doctors dismiss you, if you feel it it’s real! ))))
Yesterday I had my first anxiety attack in over 3 weeks. Yesterday felt like it was my last day. Anxiety consumed me and tears flowed down my face. Tears of sadness, tears of fear. Fear that one of these days my anxiety will be the end of me. Do I want to feel this way? No I do not. But living with anxiety is better than not living at all therefore I take my load and walk away, awaiting a world without fear, a world without worries.
I think the worst feeling for someone who loves to write or is a writer is not knowing what to write about. Just being stuck in the middle of nothing. Being dryer than the Sahara Desserts. Writing but not making sense anymore. Well that’s me I have writers block.
I am a shopaholic. But, I am a special kind of shopaholic, I shop when I’m depressed or have anxiety or both I mean they both come in hand to hand. I shop online, I shop everywhere I go. However, It is something that distracts me makes me feel better but it shouldn’t. I am sure I cause problems for my husband when I am on shopaholic mode. I do not like it I try my best to hold back.
I fail, I fail to recognize no amount of insignificant materialistic things can bring me happiness. I fail to see that materialistic things only make you want to have more. I want to change, for myself. I need to remember true happiness does not lie on the things I posses. True happiness can not be bought. Temporary happiness is not happiness. Happiness is being with friends, serving God. That, that is true happiness to me. Therefore I resolve to not be this way I can not go any longer. I need to see that happiness is right around the corner when I lean on God and my friends.
Don’t lean on an object or materials to make you feel safe or happy, lean on the ones that are there for you. Don’t look for temporary happiness search for real happiness one that will last forever. That is what I am now doing and I couldn’t be any better. What makes you happy? Would you like to share?
So as I was sitting here thinking about what to write about I thought what the hey why not talk about my love story, everyone’s doing it now a days. So here it goes the love story that my husband and I myself are embarrassed to share.
So it all started in a nice wintery day. Just kidding it’s not that easy lets rewind this back a bit. I was 15 years old or much better said 15 years young when I met my husband and well my husband was 20 years old. We knew each other because our families have known each other for a very long time. My husband then enemy would always try to talk to me. My first impressions were, “who does he think he is? I don’t even like him, ugh his voice is so nasally and annoying, not only that but I had a boyfriend, I hate this guy.” As time passed by I actually grew quite fond of him his childlike behavior was actually getting kind of cute, however knowing our age difference I was cautious as I knew it wasn’t right. He then later found out I had a boyfriend and did not pursue me anymore (pursue as in he didn’t talk to me anymore).
Two whole years later passed and I was finally 18 and I decided to text him just to ask a random question. But what I really meant to say was “I am so very sorry for the way I had treated you in the past I was mean and treated you like a piece of trash, I should have just told you the truth that I had a boyfriend and that our ages were too far apart.” We texted that whole day and we even added each other on instagram and facebook however afterwards we didn’t text anymore until I uploaded a selfie were I actually called myself ugly. The immediate response was OMG YOUR NOT UGLY since that day we texted continuously for months.
Not so surely after texts turned into calls and calls turned into a real relationship when I turned 19. We had fallen for each other all over again, only now that it was the right timing and the right feeling. We are now married for 1 year and 6 months with a beautiful 5 month old. I hope you guys enjoyed this small story, as this is the simplified version.
“We day dream to escape reality, because our daydreams are better than our reality.”
I used to be a daydreamer. I daydreamed to escape things that I can not understand. I daydreamed of possibilities heading my way. I dream I have a job. I dream of doing ballet. I dreamed of everything that I can not do. But why did i daydream? Were my daydreams better than my reality, truth is there not.
I do not daydream to escape my reality. I love my reality. I love being a stay at home mom I love being a wife. Then why do I daydream? I daydream because sometimes I wish I could do more, sometimes I wish I had a job. But, then suddenly I remember many people would love to have my reality, many people wish to stay at home because there jobs are so hard. Some moms can’t be with their children because they have to work but I, I am privileged to get to see my little one all day. Let’s not try to escape our reality lets try to make our reality better. Make it what you want it to be, and most of all count your blessings you have. Because, truthfully the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
– He loves me I know it!!
-“She preferred to be numb. And mostly these days she was. She played dead, sleepwalking her way through her life on autopilot, hardly caring whether he hit her or kissed her it was all the same in the end.” – Cleary James
It was a beautiful day when she had met him he was tall, blonde with colored eyes. She was just coming out of a cheating relationship hurt and distraught she was but that day everything seemed to fit just like a puzzle. He made her feel alive, needed, cared for everything she had always wanted. Blindly and I mean very blindly she married him.
Everything was going great in her eyes at least. He would cook for her daily and quite frankly he was a really good cook. But, that honeymoon didn’t last forever; it was well quite short term. He began to drink even more than he used to. She wasn’t concerned, for her he was perfect, blindly she continued. He then not only was drinking, but also shortly after fell into drug abuse.
He promised day-by-day I will not hurt you, I love you, and I will change for you. A month passed by and it was probably the best month ever for them. No more drunken arguments, she felt at peace once again. They went on dates pro founding their love for one another. Next month hit and he was back at it again “only one beer,” he would say. But what he really meant to say is one beer after the next and the next. She was upset, appalled, threaten to leave him, but again those words ” no baby please don’t I will change.” Those words kept dragging her in. “I know one day he will change, I just know it,” she would tell herself naively.
In a matter of time things got worst. He began to have yelling spells, calling her fat, ugly, and accusing her of cheating. Those words she would say, those words are from a guilty man you’re the cheater. But standing up to him would not work it would only make things worst. Once he even hit her hard enough to leave a black eye. Frozen she stood nowhere to go, nowhere to run. Friends would plead run away from the toxicity but she couldn’t, she couldn’t possibly leave him “ I feel bad for him,” she would say.
Little did she know that she was used to it already; she was numb therefore she couldn’t leave. This, this was the life she had known for years . This is the life she thinks she deserves; she does not know anything better. She just hopes and prays things will get better and that he will finally change. But will he change? Truth is a man like that could never change.
We all want the perfect relationship; you know the one with the perfect man that surprises you with flowers, chocolates, or whatever it is that we may like. Truth is I don’t think much of that exists, there is no such thing as Mr Perfect from the movies but there is a Mr. Perfect to us.
I have met girls with certain standards for men tall, handsome, white, blonde, blue eyes and guess what most don’t end up with their expectation they end up with the total distinct thing . Why? Simple, we may have all the expectations we want to have yet love hits us from were we least expect it.
Take it from me for instance, me being a Puerto Rican girl wanted to marry an asian man awkward right ? No one really expects a Puerto Rican to like asian men but I once did. Any-who did that happen? No, I ended up marrying a Mexican man and I am not disappointed because he is Mr. Perfect to me. He is Mr. Perfect to me because he strives to be better each and everyday for me and for my daughter he does not have to surprise me with gifts his love is what I love to receive. I am not saying he doesn’t occasionally surprise me but I am a spoiled wife already, spoiled with love.
In conclusion, the perfect man doesn’t have to be the one from the movies; the tall handsome blonde guy with blue eyes , the perfect man doesn’t have to be superficial. The perfect man is the man that strives to succeed and does everything he can to make you happy. If your man doesn’t surprise you it does not mean he does not loves you. You can be surprised as to how men can be pretty clueless at times.However I am not saying it’s bad to want him to surprise you but its not something we should have as an expectation nevertheless if you wan to be surprised once in a while the best way is to communicate it, communication is always key. Lets not want a movie perfect man lets want the man that is sitting next to us you know the one that takes care of you, works hard for you and the one that through thick and thin is with you despite the bumps in the road
I thought why not give out this recipe if my cousin isn’t here to see because truthfully this isn’t my recipe it’s his and truthfully I didn’t get the permission to share….but why deprive the world of this easy and delicious cajun chicken recipe..recipe for 20 people if its for less divide the servings
as many chicken as you would like chopped
1 box mushrooms chopped
8 green bell peppers chopped
8 red bell peppers chopped
6 whole green onions chopped
10 cups or 3 quarts heavy whipping cream or depending on how much is being made
2 1/2 lemon pepper
4 tablespoons of cajun seasoning
black pepper as desired
1 1/2 dried basil
2 1/2 salt
1 1/4 garlic
Linguine noodles or noodle of preference
- you simply put as many butter as you would like to cook the chicken but make sure to put enough then add cajun seasoning…keep stirring until almost done.
- add the vegetables and keep stirring for approx 5 min
- add the quarts of whipping cream and keep stirring
- add the seasoning as indicated in the teaspoons above
Source: What Is Beauty ?